The Thinking Behind the Use of Force
There are two types of force: Protective and punitive. The former is to prevent injury or injustice. Never to punish, blame or condemn. The latter is to cause people to suffer.
Types of Punitive Force
Fear of corporal punishment obscures children’s awareness of the compassion underlying their parent’s demands.
Other forms of punishment: Blame labeling, grounding, withholding something.
The Costs of Punishment
The goal becomes avoiding punishment and its consequences instead of learning a lesson.
Fear of punishment diminishes self-esteem and goodwill.
Two Questions That Reveal The Limitations of Punishment
When you see behavior that you would like to punish, ask 2 questions:
- What do I want this person to do that’s different from what (s)he is currently doing?
- What do I want this person’s reasons to be for doing what I’m asking?
The answer to the first may be “Punishment!”, but the 2nd prevents that from being the answer.