“I feel that…” When you use “that” after feel, you are likely not revealing your feelings. Adequately expressing feelings is a challenge.
Don’t be afraid to admit fear, and express vulnerability.
People who are trained to be rational, logical, etc may need to put in extra effort.
We often use the word feel even when not indicating a feeling: “I feel I didn’t get a fair deal.” Beware of the following words that follow feel:
- that, like, as if
- I, you, he, she, they, it
- Names or nouns referring to people
You really meant to say think instead of feel.
Your phrase does not need to use the word feel (I’m irritated vs I feel irritated)
What we feel vs what we think we are
- I feel inadequate as a guitar player (not a feeling)
- I feel disappointed with myself as a guitar player.
- I feel impatient with myself as a guitar player.
The last two are feelings. Replace inadequate with the actual feelings.
What we feel vs how we think others behave/react to us “I feel unimportant to the people with whom I work” (not a feeling).
The actual feeling is sad or discouraged.
“I feel misunderstood” (not a feeling). This is an assessment of the other person’s thoughts, and hence an evaluation. Actual feeling: anxious, annoyed.
“I feel ignored” (not a feeling). Same as above - it ascribes intent to the other person. Actual feeling: hurt.
The following are words that are evaluations, and not feelings.
- abandoned
- abused
- attacked
- betrayed
- boxed-in
- bullied
- cheated
- coerced
- co-opted
- cornered
- diminished
- distrusted
- interrupted
- intimidated
- let down
- manipulated
- misunderstood
- neglected
- overworked
- patronized
- pressured
- provoked
- put down
- rejected
- taken for granted
- threatened
- unappreciated
- unheard
- unseen
- unsupported
- unwanted
- used
Building a Vocabulary For Feelings
Use specific emotions instead of vague words like “good” or “bad”.
Words for when needs are met:
- absorbed
- adventurous
- affectionate
- alert
- alive
- amazed
- amused
- animated
- appreciative
- ardent
- aroused
- astonished
- blissful
- breathless
- buoyant
- calm
- carefree
- cheerful
- comfortable
- complacent
- composed
- concerned
- confident
- contented
- cool
- curious
- dazzled
- delighted
- eager
- ebullient
- ecstatic
- effervescent
- elated
- enchanted
- encouraged
- energetic
- engrossed
- enlivened
- enthusiastic
- excited
- exhilarated
- expansive
- expectant
- exultant
- fascinated
- free
- friendly
- fulfilled
- glad
- gleeful
- glorious
- glowing
- good-humored
- grateful
- gratified
- happy
- helpful
- hopeful
- inquisitive
- inspired
- intense
- interested
- intrigued
- invigorated
- involved
- joyous, joyful
- jubilant
- keyed-up
- loving
- mellow
- merry
- mirthful
- moved
- optimistic
- overjoyed
- overwhelmed
- peaceful
- perky
- pleasant
- pleased
- proud
- quiet
- radiant
- rapturous
- refreshed
- relaxed
- relieved
- satisfied
- secure
- sensitive
- serene
- spellbound
- splendid
- stimulated
- surprised
- tender
- thankful
- thrilled
- touched
- tranquil
- trusting
- upbeat
- warm
- wide-awake
- wonderful
- zestful
When needs are not being met:
- afraid
- aggravated
- agitated
- alarmed
- aloof
- angry
- anguished
- annoyed
- anxious
- apathetic
- apprehensive
- aroused
- ashamed
- beat
- bewildered
- bitter
- blah
- blue bored
- brokenhearted
- chagrined
- cold
- concerned
- confused
- cool
- cross
- dejected
- depressed
- despairing
- despondent
- detached
- disaffected
- disappointed
- discouraged
- disenchanted
- disgruntled
- disgusted
- disheartened
- dismayed
- displeased
- disquieted
- distressed
- disturbed
- downcast
- downhearted
- dull
- edgy
- embarrassed
- embittered
- exasperated
- exhausted
- fatigued
- fearful
- fidgety
- forlorn
- frightened
- frustrated
- furious
- gloomy
- guilty
- harried
- heavy
- helpless
- hesitant
- horrible
- horrified
- hostile
- hot
- humdrum
- hurt
- impatient
- indifferent
- intense
- irate
- irked
- irritated
- jealous
- jittery
- keyed-up
- lazy
- leery
- lethargic
- listless
- lonely
- mad
- mean
- miserable
- mopey
- morose
- mournful
- nervous
- nettled
- numb
- overwhelmed
- panicky
- passive
- perplexed
- pessimistic
- puzzled
- rancorous
- reluctant
- repelled
- resentful
- restless
- sad
- scared
- sensitive
- shaky
- shocked
- skeptical
- sleepy
- sorrowful
- sorry
- spiritless
- startled
- surprised
- suspicious
- tepid
- terrified
- tired
- troubled
- uncomfortable
- unconcerned
- uneasy
- unglued
- unhappy
- unnerved
- unsteady
- upset
- uptight
- vexed
- weary
- wistful
- withdrawn
- woeful
- worried
- wretched