How you talk to yourself determines the attitudes and beliefs that determine how you feel and act.
Statements like “I should do it” or “I have to do it” are ways of saying “I don’t want to do it, but …” This can trigger procrastination. They also don’t convey at all what you want, or choose, to do. They often signal victimhood and stress.
A producer, on the other hand, says “I choose”, or “I decide”.
Always remember: You don’t have to do anything to be a worthwhile person. It is better to choose something and commit to it wholeheartedly, and not due to external pressures.
Any time “I have to …” pops up in your brain, substitute it with an adult explanation of one of the following:
- How I will begin the project
- How I will explain to the boss that I won’t do the project
(The latter is always an option!)
In other words, you’re substituting “I have to…” with a decision.
A “have to” message does not communicate:
- what you choose to do
- when you choose to do it
- where you choose to start it
- how you choose to do it
In other words, the message has nothing concrete that will actually help you do it!
If you have procrastinated, remind yourself that the past is gone, and focus on what you can do now. Transform every “should” into “When is the next time I can start working on it?”
Always remember: When you get sick and suddenly can’t do much, things magically still get done! And if they don’t, nothing horrific transpires, and often they’re still waiting to get done - the opportunity is still there. This tells you a lot about what must get done.
When toddlers start saying “No” to everything, they are saying “I don’t have to do it, and I’m still worthy of love regardless.” They don’t tie their worth to whether they do it or not. You shouldn’t either.
Five Self Statements That Distinguish Procrastinators from Producers
“I have to”
Replace this with “I choose to”.
“I must finish”
Replace this with “When can I start?”
“This project is so big and important”
Replace with “I can take one small step”.
“I must be perfect”
Replace with “I can be perfectly human”.
One needs self compassion instead of self criticism to allow oneself to complete something with imperfection.
Always keep in mind that as a novice, you will not be optimal. This gives you the strength of persistence, which will improve your performance (over time).
If you’re suffering from perfectionism, attack this by intentionally being imperfect. Do the pending task (or the start of your project) sloppily, but quickly. Do it on paper instead of the computer, or whatever. This often breaks the spell and gets you working continuously. You will, of course, refine the sloppy work as you go along.
“I don’t have time to play”
Replace with “I must make time to play.”
Then say “I choose to start one small step, knowing I will have time to play.”
(Yes, I know - a “must”).