Small talk is the “talk” between two people who do not know each other.
The ability to make conversation in any circumstance is a huge boon to anyone who has it. And it is a learned skill.
The objective in small talk: To start a conversation. To keep it going. To create a bond. Leave with the other person thinking “I dig that person”.
His advice: Don’t play it safe and be too agreeable. Differentiation (e.g. difference of opinions) is more memorable than similarity.
Confound expectation by being vulnerable. Don’t be guarded. Open up.
Every conversation is an invitation to risk revealing.
Nonverbal Communication
You usually have 10 seconds before someone makes an opinion about you.
- Give a hearty smile
- Maintain a good balance of eye contact
- Unfold your arms
- Nod your head and lean in. But don’t invade their space.
Be Sincere
Make people feel special - no matter who they are. Give them your attention. Don’t just chase the most important person in the room.
Develop Conversational Currency
When meeting someone new, be prepared to have something to say. Could be current affairs, or something related to your niche hobby. Or any interesting accomplishments or experiences (e.g. climbed Mt Everest is more memorable than CFO of X)
But don’t monopolize the conversation. Ensure the other can contribute. Do not preach.
Adjust Your Johari Window
By window we mean it similarly to “window to the world” - what we reveal.
The Johari Window concept: Extroverts have a wide window. Introverts have a narrow window. But both expand and shrink their windows depending on who they are talking to. The most fruitful encounters occur when the windows are matched.
So adjust your windows to match the other person’s. Mirror their style.
But never be disingenuous. Don’t pretend to have a wide window without revealing much.
Make a Graceful Exit (Ending the Conversation)
At a public event, say “There are so many wonderful people here. I’d feel remiss if I didn’t try to get to know a few more of them. Would you excuse me?” Or offer them a drink (say you’re getting one). Bump into someone on the way and invite the first person to the conversation.
Until We Meet Again
Small talk needs to end with an invitation to continue the relationship. Make it a verbal agreement. It can be “We should get together the next time we’re in town”. This way they may feel committed if you call on them when you’re in town again.
Learn to Listen
Seek first to understand. Then to be understood.
- Take the initiative and be the first to say hello
- Don’t interrupt
- Show empathy
- Nod your head
- Ask sincere questions that invite more info
- Laugh at the other’s jokes
- Focus on his triumphs
- Always remember the name