That’s Right - not You’re Right

Posted by Beetle B. on Fri 27 April 2018

I guess so” means things are not going well.

That’s right” means things are going well.

Get to “That’s right”!

They may not say the exact phrase “That’s right,” but the bottom line is either you keep guessing (NVC style) till they get the NVC “relief” or they go on a rant and calm down.

When people say “You’re right” you have problems. It’s usually a phrase to get you to go away.

To get a “that’s right”, talk about their values and tie it to their behavior and attitude.

Use a good summary to trigger a “That’s right”. A good summary is labeling and paraphrasing. Rearticulate and emotionally affirm the world according to them.

Trigger a “That’s Right” With a Summary

Generally, a good strategy:

  1. Effective pauses. Use for emphasis. Use to get the other side to keep talking until emotions were drained.
  2. Say stuff like “Yes”, “Uh-huh” to signal to the other side you’re listening.
  3. Mirror
  4. Label (“It sounds like …”)
  5. Paraphrase: To show the other you understand.
  6. Summarize: Facts as well as the emotions. Repeat “the world” according to your counterpart.

tags : negotiation, nstd