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Introduction
She points out that several of our role models (Rosa Parks, etc) were introverts. Yet the message society often gives us is that extroverts are happy, etc.
The US is one of the most extroverted countries, perhaps due to the nature of its existence (daring people are more likely to travel and seek fortunes). Yet somewhere between a third to a half of Americans are introverts. There’s a disconnect between the messages in society and the makeup of the population.
A lot of introverts believe they have a deficiency because of this extrovert ideal in society. There is something called the Extrovert Ideal, where extroverted people are believed to be “better”. Talkative people are rated as smarter and more handsome. They are more desirable as friends. Fast talkers are viewed as more competent. Those who talk are believed to be smarter than the quiet ones.
But studies show no such correlation.
Much of our institutions are designed to benefit the extrovert. The way classrooms are set up (desks arranged in pods to foster group learning). Open offices for better collaboration. Requirements to self promote. Confidence overtures to get funding for academics, etc.
Generally, there is no agreed upon definition of introversion/extroversion. But there are some commonalities. Introverts and extroverts differ in the level of stimulation they need. They differ in how quickly they make decisions and how much thought is put into making them, etc. They differ in the level of risk taking. They differ in their desire to multitask. They differ in how much they value fame and wealth.
They likely don’t differ in shyness levels. A desire for less stimulating environments is often confused for shyness.
The Rise of the Mighty Likable Fellow
Up to the late 19th century, the quiet, deliberate person was the more valued. She calls it the Cult of Character. The opposite is the Cult of Personality. The difference is that in one the value lies in your behavior in private, whereas in the other your behavior in public. How others perceive you suddenly became part of your value.
She puts a lot of the blame for today’s Cult of Personality on Dale Carnegie. Of course, some of this is organically evolved, due to the growing urbanization of the country. In the past there wasn’t a need to impress many strangers.
Self help books existed prior to Dale Carnegie, but they focused on improving your inner self. The shift changes to improving your outer self.
Mass advertising also played a role. A lot of ads are about how others perceive you. If you used the right soap, you will be much more appealing to your coworkers, etc.
An amusing quote: It’s not OK to get excited about a regression analysis and squeamish about presenting those results. It is, apparently, OK to be squeamish about the analysis and not the presentation.
The Myth of Charismatic Leadership
Amusing anecdotes about Tony Robbins seminars.
She was told that people who paid for the front row seats are generally more successful in life.
Note to self: Never go to Tony Robbins events. The sales tactics are almost identical to the sleazy real estate gurus.
He emphasized that if you don’t make a positive impression in the first 3-5 seconds of meeting someone, they likely will not do business with you.
She also talks about Harvard Business School and its bias in favor of extroverts. The HBS teaching method emphasizes certainty over uncertainty. Act certain even if you are not!
Professors over there also feel they are failures if they could not get a student to participate much in class.
“Speak with conviction. Even if you believe something only fifty-five percent, say it as if you believe it a hundred percent.”
In a lot of group dynamics, the louder people tend to hold sway. Yet their ideas are usually not better.
A VC investor complained how his colleagues often make decisions on the enterpreneurs’ presentation skills vs leadership ability.
Another anecdote about a company’s murder board where you present an idea. The people who made it through these boards were not those with the best ideas, but those with the best presentations.
One researcher selected 11 standout companies, and happened to discover that all of them had relatively introverted CEOs.
A lot of studies linking extroversion with leadership also suffer from methodology: Leadership was assessed by how others perceived them, not on objective results.
Extroverted leaders enhance group performance when employees are passive and vice versa.
When Collaboration Kills Creativity
Creative people are more likely to be introverts.
If we want to foster creativity, we should give people the space to do it. Yet the classrooms and office environments are often the opposite. The amount of space per employee has shrunk from 500 square feet to 200 over 40 years.
She writes a fair amount about brainstorming and how study after study shows it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work better than individual brainstorming even for extroverts!
fMRI studies have shown that when people conform to a group, it’s not because they’ve been convinced of the change. It is due to the activation of the parts of the brain related to how people perceive them. These people were not “won over”. They merely conformed.
Is Temperament Destiny?
Study showed that infants who were highly reactive (i.e. sensitive) to new stimuli tended to be quiet teenagers. Those who wiggle and howl at unfamiliar objects grow to be more cautious.
Obviously, not all sensitives are introverts, but the majority do. In reality sensitivity is simply another dimension. Also, not all introverts are sensitive.
High reactive children are more likely to spend more time thinking of alternatives and picking better options. They’re more likely to ponder over things like social interactions (e.g. why did X do Y to Z?). It doesn’t make them less social - just more curious.
Introversion is probably 40-50% inheritable.
High reactives are more likely to become writers/intellectuals. Those with poor education tend to become file clerks/truck drivers. All of these seek solitude.
High reactives don’t handle childhood adversity well (divorce, abuse, etc) and are more likely to have issues due to them. On the flip side, if they have a nurturing environment, they benefit more from that than low reactives. They have better social skills and fewer emotional problems.
Beyond Temperament
Introverts may learn to adapt to an extrovert world, but that is the work of the cortex overriding the amygdala. Don’t think that the amygdala is not being triggered. It still is, and any negative effects that has still exist.
Introverts need stimulation, but their brains allow in a lot more stimuli than do extrovert brains, which is why an introvert can get easily overwhelmed. It’s not that extroverts can process more stimuli - their brains are just filtering out more of it.
Introverts apparently handle sleep deprivation better than extroverts, because sleep deprivation can limit the effect of stimuli.
Eleanor Roosevelt
High sensitives tend to be more philosophical or spiritual and less materialistic or hedonistic. They dislike small talk.
High sensitives tend to be more empathic. They feel the pain and suffering of others more. They have stronger feelings about the cruelties in the world. They tend to have strong consciences. They are impacted more by feelings of guilt.
Why does introversion exist in the world? Likely it was selected for because high sensitives are more likely to be careful and vigilant of predators.
In the animal kingdom, for many (most?) species, you have those that are vigilant and those who rush in. This isn’t a trait unique to humans.
In nomadic cultures, having the extrovert trait that provides for novelty seeking is associated with better outcomes. However, in settled cultures it is negatively associated.
Extroverts tend to get more sex partners, but are also more likely to commit adultery. They exercise more, but have more injuries. They have better social networks, but commit more crimes.
Congress is made up of high extroverts. This is why they’re more likely to respond to immediate problems (crime, etc), but can’t get excited about global warming, which happens at too slow a pace.
Why Did Wall Street Crash and Warren Buffet Prosper?
Along with high sensitivity, there is another axis: High reward seekers. Extroverts are more likely to be reward sensitive. Extroverts tend to experience more pleasure and excitement than introverts.
When extroverts are competing and they make a wrong move, they are more likely to rush in to more competition than to slow down and evaluate what went wrong. For games that require a certain level of strategy, extroverts likely do poorly.
Extroverts score better in school at the elementary level, but lag in high school and college. At the university level, introversion is a better predictor of academic performance than cognitive ability! Yet introverts do not have higher IQ scores.
Extroverts do better under social or time pressure, and multitask better.
Extroverts can spend more of their cognitive capacity on the goal at hand, whereas introverts can spend more on monitoring how the task is going.
Introverts outperform extroverts on social tasks that require persistence (e.g. call centers). Extroverts tended to get distracted more.
Asians and Introversion
The general thrust of the chapter is that the spectrum of introversion and extroversion varies quite a bit across the world. Many Asian cultures value introversion more, and score higher on that score.
I think a big takeaway from this chapter is that success is not really that well correlated to introversion vs extroversion inherently. Extroverted sales tactics that work well in the US may fail dramatically in introverted cultures. The extrovert isn’t fundamentally more likely to succeed socially.
In China, for example, shy and sensitive children are more desired as playmates. The opposite is true in Canada.
When Should You Act More Extroverted Than You Really Are?
Free trait theory: We are born with certain predilections, as well as trained by society. However, we can act out of character in the service of projects that are important to us (emphasis mine).
Some people can fake extrovertism really well. They score high on self monitoring. They are good at modifying their behavior to the social demands of the situation. Low self monitors base their behavior based on how they feel internally, and not really on what the external social situation demands.
Even high self monitors who can fake extrovertism will need breaks away from it - even when working on projects important to them.
A Free Trait Agreement is that you agree to act out of character some of the time in exchange for being yourself the rest of the time. Make such agreements at work and/or at home.
The Communication Gap
There’s another dimension: agreeableness. Extroverts can make friends more easily than introverts, but what really is a good measure is the degree of agreeableness, and extroverts and introverts are equally likely to be agreeable.
Introverts are much more likely to hide emotions and feelings. This is often confused for not having feelings. When they do express emotions, they burst out uncontrollably.
Catharsis hypothesis: When a lot of pent-up anger/emotions are suddenly released, it is healthy for you. It’s a myth. Venting pent-up anger tends to make you angrier.
When it comes to decoding social cues, introverts are as good as extroverts, and perhaps better, provided they are not multitasking. The real problem occurs when they have to do more than one thing while in social situations.
In conversations, introverts talk as much as extroverts. Where they differ is in the content. Introverts prefer fewer topics but go in deep. They also are more likely to pick more serious topics. Extroverts, on the other hand, prefer more topics and make light of them.