Guarantee Execution

“Yes” Is Nothing Without “How”

Practice converting demands to open-ended calibrated questions: “We need $5 million” to “We don’t have $5M. How can we raise that much?”

This can also buy time. They generally will not get angry with the question. They will stay in problem solving mode.

With enough “How” questions, you can shape the negotiating environment to whatever direction you’d like. But you have to know where you want the conversation to go.

Any time you want to say “No”, don’t. Ask a question. But watch your tone! Distinguish between an accusatory tone and a request for help.

The other benefit of these questions is they help towards formulating an implementation.

At the end, they will view it as their solution, as they felt part of the process to get there.

Two key questions to always ask: “How will we know we’re on track?” and “How will we address things if we go off track?” When they answer, summarize until you get a “That’s right”. Then you know they have committed.

If they say “You’re right” or “I’ll try”, the implementation is not in good shape. Repeat until you get “That’s right.”

Influencing Those Behind The Table

Often you’re not dealing with one person, but behind him there is a team. So you need them on board. You may not know who they are. Ask:

• “How does this affect the rest of your team?”
• “How on board are the people not on this call?”
• “What do your colleagues see as the main challenges in this area?”

No point in making a deal without involving key stakeholders.

Spotting Liars, Dealing With Jerks, and Charming Everyone Else

You get great power in treating jerks with deference. Don’t get aggressive with a jerk. Just ask “what” and “how” questions.

The 7-38-55 Percent Rule

Try to make your tone and body language match your words. And when the other side’s doesn’t, use labels to discover the problem.

The Rule of Three

To ensure the other party is committed, get them to say “Yes” three times. But take care in not sounding pushy. Example:

1. When they first agree
2. Label/summarize and get a “That’s right”
3. Ask a calibrated “How” or “what” question about the implementation and what success and going off track looks like.

You need not follow the template to the letter. It could be 3 calibrated questions. This will vary with the situation.

The Pinocchio Effect

People who are lying tend to:

• Speak more (nervous, trying too hard)
• Use more impersonal pronouns (them, he, it, one) and less of I.

Obviously, this is not a perfect heuristic. But use as a cue to ask more calibrated questions.

Pay Attention To Their Use of Pronouns

The harder it is to get a first person pronoun out of their mouth, the more important they are. The more they use them, the less important they are.

The Chris Discount

Use your counterpart’s name in negotiations, but don’t overdo it. Don’t be like a salesperson. Concisely, find ways to insert your name as well.

In tense situations with strangers, stick your hand out and say “Hi, I’m …”. This is forced empathy.

At a store, when you want a discount, say “Hi, my name is M. What’s the M discount?” Say it in a light hearted manner.

How to Get Your Counterparts to Bid Against Themselves

You can usually express “No” 4 times without saying “No” (i.e. using How questions).

1. “How am I supposed to do that?” - Deferential tone
2. “Your offer is very generous. I’m sorry, that doesn’t work for me.” Do say generous! And don’t make a counteroffer. And do apologize.
3. “I’m sorry but I’m afraid I just can’t do that.”
4. “I’m sorry, no” - delivered gently.
5. “No.” but not a harsh No!

Lowballing and then saing “We think the price is fair” is a good way to cause problems. But asking: “Does that sound fair to you?” is OK.